Hang in there.

Problem half-solved.

Hopefully tml problem will be fully solved.

Yes I totally hope for that, so then my heart wont feel the burden anymore.

I guess the motivation for tis blog is that I have a venue to vent my frustrations, share my pain and express myself better when things happen. So most of the entries are emotional. LOL. not exactly reflect how my everyday life as when shit happens, this blog will def have a feel of it.

Haha.

I figured out that in order for me to be truly happy. I must find myself.
I always thought that I know myself, I am the real me and I am being the real me.

Little did I realised that, that is not exactly true. Not saying that I faked frenships and stuff la. It just sometimes I wear a mask. I hide myself.
I conceal myself. Maybe too much till its suffocating.

I have chose to let the inner me roam free. Yes. Not scared of the circumstances anymore. Not afraid what I say or do may end up ppl disliking me. (I mean not those extreme like,"YOU SUCK" and stuff lar.)

I just wanna be ME. Be who I am, Laugh out loud. Give dramatic expressions or words, yes I dun fucking care.

Wear wadeva nonsense I deem fit. Though you may find it mismatch but hey, I dun care =)
Cos I am happy, Thats me.

So from now on, I am rewriting my own history.

fuck.
just fucked up.

im too blur.
too blur beyond help.

messed up.
and now i feel............................. like hell.

not really getting any real support.
not really.

regret.
really regret

i tot my life was realli good.
one of a kind really.
but i guess all does have a price.

Chalet 2/7/2010--4/7/2010

Chalet at Costa Sands. Though its more spacious but its furtherrrrrr. Still prefer Downtown east ba. lol. Niwae first day, we had steamboat. Yes, steamboat in chalet. cool eh. We had a 3 hrs LONGGGGG steamboat. eat rest eat rest and eat again.

It was pretty fun i guess. Then we played Monopoly DEAL and Majongggg. I miss Majong now. LOL. We all slept ard 6am. hmmm. right. tats early.

Woke up ard 11am, dying of hunger, we went to eat Superdog. Yum. Shopping and then head back for BBQ. It was rainingm took umbrella and shelter BBQ pot literally! And yes, the food is cooked and we dun need to book another bbq pit(portable) so we can BBQ under shelter.

MORE FOOD. ALOT OF FOOD. stingray, chicken wing, chicken chop, goshhh, prawn, sotong(very good), NUGGETS. yum.

Besides the food and fun, there was bonding with frens. Soul-searching too.
Long talks with fren, make me realised alot more, learn alot more, feel alot more.
perhaps understand alot more about life, love, ppl and reality.

This chalet is special, its different. Some ppl think tat its not realli a gd one as not alot of ppl stayed, but hey, there was bonding.

I learnt. I rejoice, I understand and I live.

Though there was tiffs, there was unhappiness, there was misunderstandings but I guess it was still good at the end of the day.

As for ppl who thinks they are the most RIGHT, or that you could say wadeva u like just because you cant stand it nor do you reali understand what is going on. I dun like you. As being the self centered one, perhaps you cant feel what the party as felt.

Life.
It can be as simple as you want.
Or as torturous if you want.
I dun want the latter.

Chose to look at things in a different yet NOT DELUSIONAL WAY.
and i hope for the better.
It wasnt easy when personality may clash
It wasnt easy when one cant express their own,
But it was easy to just smile, just think of the happy times we shared and the reason of why we held on.

I know what I want.
And it involes you.
Nobody said it was gonna be easy.
But, I wanna try. for you.